Broken
by CUtopia
Summary: Tonks after being rejected by Remus.


Entry for **"Alchemy"** at **"Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (Challenges and Assignments)"**

 **Task:** This week your task will be to free-write. Min 350 words.

Tonks thoughts, and, well, also mine.

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Unedited version.

Well, I should have known that you would only mean heartbreak to me. I should have foreseen it by the way I fell for you. Unconditionally, losing myself in the preocess, I was eaten up by the hope that you would one day stand in front of my door and tell me that you loved me and that you had realised that you did not wanted to love without me. When I was at hoeme, Iwoud jump at every sound that came from outside. I bet that anybody seeing me while jumping towards the window would think that I was loosing my mind. And Actually, I was. Surely. Sometimes I would cry and scream and not able to move or to shove the sorrow away from my heart, I was drowning. All I wished for was for you to be here with me, hold me, kss amee and tell e that everythig was okay. The world seemed so cruel by denyig to fulfull the only wish I had, ut nonetheless I was screamin it out whenever I felt like I could not tak the lonelines anymore. The words ere echoing in my head when I silently repeated them to me over and over again. Yes, maybe I was loosing my mind when I wanted to hate you while still loving you with all my heart. I wanted to hate you for bbreaking my heart, shattering it in so many pieces that I feared that noobody would ever eb able to put it back together. I know that I must seem mental by clinging to the hope that one day, wel will find together, and that we will b e good. Ican't do anything against it. I feel so alone exspecially at nght, and I am so consumed by my sorrow and pain that I am nenarly epressive. I am barely eating anything, becase I am not able to, becase my body rejects it and by now, my bones are sticking out – I hide hit underneath my clothes and tell nobody how much weight I lost since you told me that we could not be together. It salso seemes prettty ironic that you need a situation like ths to realise that you were are a better actor than you thought, even though it takes all of my strenght that is left to hide from everybody howmiserable I really am, how close I am to beaking down. And oll of this wjust because I love you too much and miss you with all pieces of my broken heart.

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Edited Version.

Well, I should have known that you would only mean heartbreak to me.

I should have foreseen it by the way I fell for you.

Unconditionally, losing myself in the process, I was eaten up, and still am, by the hope that you would one day stand in front of my door and tell me that you loved me and that you had realised that you did not wanted to live without me.

When I am at home, I am jumping at every sound that comes from outside. I bet that anybody seeing me while running towards the window would think that I was loosing my mind.

And actually, I am. Surely.

Sometimes I cry and scream and am not able to move or to shove the sorrow away from my heart, I am just drowning in my own feelings.

All I wish for is for you to be here with me, hold me, kiss amee and tell me that everything is going to be okay.

The world seems so cruel by denying to fulfill the only wish I have, but nonetheless I am still screaming it out whenever I feel like I can not take the loneliness anymore. The words are echoing in my head when I silently repeat them to me over and over again.

Yes, maybe I am loosing my mind when I want to hate you while still loving you with all my heart. I want to hate you for breaking my heart, shattering it in so many pieces that I sometimes fear that nobody will ever be able to put it back together.

I know that I must seem mental by clinging to the hope that one day, we will find together, and that we will be good, live a happy life, full of love.

I can't do anything against it. I can't fight these feelings, these thoughts.

I feel so alone, especially at night, and I am so consumed by my sorrow and pain that I am depressive.

I am barely eating anything, because I am not able to, because my body rejects nearly every bite of food I take and by now, my bones are sticking out – I hide it underneath my clothes and keep it a secret how much weight I lost since you told me that we could not be together.

It also seemes prettty ironic that you need a situation like this to realise that you are a better actor than you thought, even though it takes all of my strenght that is left to hide from everybody how miserable I really am, how close I am to beaking down.

And oll of this just because I love you too much and miss you with all pieces of my broken heart.


End file.
